Evidence of bigfoot found in Auburn

I've always had a suspicion that the legendary Sasquatch that the Nipmuc Indian tribes referred to in their unwritten oral history exists here in Auburn. As shown here in archive footage in a local stream fishing next to a bear, 150 years ago, before the Industrial Revolution, it wasn't uncommon to see them every day. In fact there are many accounts in areas like Auburn Pond, Drury Square and even mentions in Artemis Wards diaries of encounters with the affable but dangerous when riled animals here in Worcester County.



Well, as luck would have it, as I was out scouting around I saw evidence in my own yard of the beast! This spring certain nights, I have been hearing something outside rummaging around my trash can, but I put it down to local politicians looking for scraps. Well, after this there is no doubt - it's a Sasquathus giganticus Auburnus, the giant Auburn Sasquatch. You can see his spore next to the trash can here.

Apparently, he likes Miller Lite.



and as shown here, he tried to consume ... a stalk of broccoli, but it wasn't to his liking because he didn't finish it.



Although he did relieve himself in the sand. As you can see in this exclusive photographic proof, the hominid was standing apparently unable to contain himself. Or maybe he just had too many Lites.